Counseling

As per your request to receive counseling after your encounter with Alcina, Caduceaus sets up an appointment for you to receive a secure transmission with someone help you work through any guilt or problems you may have after what you've done.

You are most likely surprised when the view screen pops up at your appointment, not with some faceless psychologist you've never seen but with the head of Caduceaus Galactic Marqestra Vaughn. An elderly human woman, her voice defies her age and is strong and steady as she speaks to you.

"Artemis is it? I understand you had to kill someone in the line of duty. How do you feel about that?"

Artemis is visibly startled by the visage that appears on his viewscreen, and he does not even attempt to hide the fact. He stares for a second, wordless from the surprise, face blank. Then he stares a few seconds longer, contemplative, as he considers the question.

"Guilty by reason of incompetence," he sighs. He crosses his arms loosely over his stomach and continues, not waiting to be asked to explain. "I wasn't trying to kill her. None of us were." He pauses and corrects himself. "Well, maybe Tryce was. But Freya in particular had gone through exceptional pains to just disable Alcina. She even had half of the legs of that artifact chopped off. And then I went and ruined it."

Artemis frowns. This is not the core of it. He realizes this even as he finishes explaining how he feels. It doesn't feel right. Troubled, he tries again. "That wasn't... Alcina." Yes, that felt right. That was it. "She wasn't in control of herself. It was the artifact that had taken over her mind. Alcina herself was innocent. She might have had a chance, if we'd incapacitated her and taken her back here. Doctors with more skill than I have could have salvaged her mind." Surely it could have been possible, Artemis thought. Excellent doctors, patience, the finest of facilities...we could have at least tried. "But I took that chance away from her. That's not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be saving people, not taking away the chances of innocent people."

"I've read the files on Dr. Alcina Sunderland and I can understand why you might feel guilty. Sometimes when faced with such a situation we may not always think of our adversaries as people."

Dr. Vaughn's face changes as she gets a far off stare in her eyes, as she looks back in time.

"You probably think it's odd that I would take the time to counsel you on this, but rest assured I'm not here to condemn you for your actions Dr. Artemis. I'm taking a special interest in your case because I have been there, on the front lines. Both as a doctor and a Jedi. Saving lives, and taking them in equal measure. It was a balance of sorts, not one that I look back on fondly, but it had to be kept. I don't know exactly what you've been through Artemis, but there are times as a doctor we have to make tough decisions. If you've ever been a battlefield medic, or been on call after a major attack you know what I'm speaking about. Sometimes, even with the Force as your ally, you can not save everyone. You have to make the decisions who can be saved, who should be saved. Being a Jedi, in the heat of battle is no less a task. In defense of yourself, your friends, or this galaxy who gets to live and who dies. That decision could haunt you the rest of your life, if you allow it.

I once knew a man by the name of Hanz Zarkov. A brilliant scientist and a close friend. He become obsessed with being able to save everyone, in the end he could not save himself."

Marqestra's gaze returns to you and the present situation.

"Sorry to reminisce on you like that Dr. Artemis. Still I believe it's relevant to your situation."

Artemis listens with both respect and quiet interest. He nods twice, slowly, while Dr. Vaughn speaks, and considers her words as she says them. He is silent for three seconds after she is finished.

Artemis shakes his head minutely side to side. "Please, don't apologize. I appreciate your candor and I appreciate you sharing your personal experience. I'm more thankful than I can tell you for knowing that you have been in similar situations, and that you don't condemn me. I think what you've told me makes sense, and it would help if I'd... chosen to take Alcina's life." Artemis twists his fingers together, clenching and unclenching his hands anxiously. "I understand that sometimes there really is no other choice if one wants to focus on the greater good." He shakes his head again, more violently this time. "But this wasn't like that! We almost had her incapacitated. Just another stunning blow would have done it, I think. She didn't need to die right then. But she did, and only because of my incompetence at wielding a lightsaber!"

Dr. Vaughn looks on Artemis with surprise at his words.

"You poor boy, I'm afraid I haven't been entirely honest with you on this manner. You haven't read the autopsy report have you? The way the crown dug into Alcina's skull and pierced her brain, there was nothing left of her but an empty shell. There was nothing you could have done to save her at that point. Whatever entity had a hold of her was practically animating a corpse. You needn't be so hard on yourself. You didn't kill Alcina, you released her."

As Marqestra looks upon you with approval in her eyes she continues.

"It's good that you value life so very much. I can tell the guilt you felt at thinking you killed her is very genuine, but in this case unnecessary. Remember that feeling each time you draw your lightsaber. It is not a weapon to be taken lightly. Even in the hands of the most skilled master, it should not be drawn unless you intend to kill your target."

Artemis stares at Dr. Vaughn with undisguised shock. It's true, he realizes, he'd never bothered to examine the autopsy report. He hadn't seen the need to. And while he had noticed the spines protruding into Alcina's brain when Freye removed the artifact, he'd believed that had Alcina been delivered to capable doctors, her mind might still have been salvaged.

Artemis feels the weight of his most recent mistake dissipate. He had not changed Alcina's fate. He had not taken away from her another chance at life.

Still, that did not invalidate what Dr. Vaughn was telling him. Artemis rarely means to kill, and yet the lightsaber is his weapon of choice. He is more skilled at it than he is any other weapon. But this incident of accidental slaughter can not be allowed to metastasize.

"You're right," he tells Dr. Vaughn. "Perhaps... perhaps this is a warning, somehow. I don't really want to kill, when I don't absolutely have to. But as clumsy as I am with a lightsaber, I'm far worse with any other weapon. Would it be possible for me to request a stun saber? I think, at this point, that would be best for me and for everyone around me."

"Don't think of it as a warning Dr. Artemis, think of it as a second chance. As I said, you released her from the hold this Xel'lotath had over her. I only hope the doctors on Bimissari can do the same for the miners of Kessel before it's too late. Currently it looks like they are fighting a losing battle for sanity."

"Anyway, I'm sure a stun saber can be arranged. I'm afraid the burden of leadership will not allow me to continue this transmission much longer, but before I go is there anything else I can do for you Dr. Artemis?"

A second chance... that does sound better than warning. But how many of these 'second chances' am I going to get? Artemis wondered silently.

Out loud, he says, "I can't think of anything important right now. Thank you, Dr. Vaughn, for your time. I appreciate it more than I can tell you. I'll keep the miners in my thoughts."