Personal Records of Dr. Artemis

Our best plan is still to yoink a black hole and toss Myrkr into it. We learned what Sith's supervillain plan is (vaguely). He's building a construct with which, (once he transfers his mind into it --and isn't that something that I know how to do now?) he's going to eat the galaxy. Yes. Eat. As in devour. Snack on.

Tossing Myrkr into a black hole sounds like a good plan. I've no idea what else we're to do. We might have had more time to think about this had Freya not woken Sith up early. Then again, maybe not. I shouldn't waste my energy dwelling on what might have happened.

Mina killed the Last Anzat. We all had a feeling that wasn't over. Apparently the group had had a chance at diplomacy a while back, but the Anzat definitely didn't seem in the mood this time. Not after he threw Mina's statue at the Turtle and nearly brought us crashing down. I sense a little of the dark side in Mina again, which probably explains how she was able to turn her certain death situation into, well, not death. Not for her, anyways.

On a final note, the kids who wanted to go with Ember out of the galaxy have actually made it on their way. I'm rather pleased. I hadn't wanted to stop them, myself. Not to mention that we have much, much more pressing matters to attend to than trying to stop the willing exodus of a small handful of children whom may turn out to be the only survivors of this galaxy. For instance, I don't know, trying to stop the apocalypse from even happening?

Time to wrap it up. I need to check on Chron. He was severely wounded in the battle against the Last Anzat. There's not much I can do for his psychological health (the crew would probably find it both ludicrous and horrifying if I were to even try, and I do agree that I'm the least qualified person here), but I can mend his physical wounds. At least he won't die of infection or blood loss, and he shouldn't suffer long-lasting ill effects from this.

Unlike the majority of the Doctor's logs, this one is quietly spoken rather than written.

...button....this thing on?

....testing....

.......This is the final log of Doctor Artemis Vox. Probably. Not how I expected the day to go, not at all. I never thought I'd see my mother again, and certainly never thought that she'd work with a bounty hunter to bring me in. I think my head's still spinning from it all. I half expect that I'm still crazy, and that this is just another hallucination. But even blinded, both physically and to the Force, I know it's not.

There's a burning in my chest. I've been upset before, but nothing has ever hit home quite as badly as this has. Even mom knows that this is necessary. The dark part of me is angry, thinking that she doesn't care for me and that it's easy for her to do this. She left me, after all. Left me in the hands of a monster so vile that I had to rake the memories of him from my brain. But I know that's not true. Even though she left me, I believe that she didn't have a choice, and I can't help but love her so damn much. Even if it's come to this, I'm glad I got the chance to see her again. And she set me straight. Isn't that what moms are supposed to do? Turn you 'round and set you back on the right path?

I'm so wishy-washy; it makes me sick to death of myself.

I heard them talking--mom and whomever her ally is--and they think that I've got good friends. They think that...that I'll be all right. But I don't have good friends. The only good friend I've ever had was Everett, and he's in a coma now. It's my fault. If I hadn't run, that wouldn't have happened. I should have done what STARS tried to convince me to do: turn myself in a long time ago. So STARS isn't going to save me. And if they do try, then they're idiots, because they damn well know that they have far more important matters to be taking care of. Like stopping Sith before the entire galaxy is devoured. I can't help them with that. I can't even help myself. I had to be kidnapped and forced down the proper path before I came to this realization. I can't thank you enough for that, mom. I know what it says about me, too. I should have given myself in once I cured Galatea, like I said I was going to. Then there was Sith--by the Force, I can still feel that power crawling through my mind and in my veins--and I was so sure that I had to stay with STARS to help them however I could.

Because, in a few months at most, nothing is going to matter. It'll all be gone. Devoured by Sith.

But now....

I never figured you'd be so powerful in the Force, mother. I mean, I know my telepathy attempt wasn't shabby in the slightest, but you had no trouble blocking that, did you? Brilliant, that was. I suppose I should have figured. They say that it runs in the family. I suppose I could have gotten it from father. Maybe that's one reason why I'm so fucked up. But I'm pretty sure I got the Force sensitivity from mom. I'd like to think that, at least. But mom, now she can help. And her ally, if she's willing to as well. They can both help STARS in my place, and they'll do a damn better job of it than I've been doing. I just hope I can convince them. I don't want to give my life, only to have the galaxy be destroyed without my having done anything to help stop it. I want to end the conflict between the Defel and the Arhan, but I don't want it to be in vain.

I'm not sure how far it is to Aretak. I'm sure we have a few days. Maybe they'll come and talk to me. Maybe I can try to convince them then.

Don't know if I'll be logging anything more after this. We'll see how it goes. How do I end something like this? Years of datalogs and journalling. It's not often one knows he's going to die. I mean, what do you say?

Maybe, just don't say anything at all.

*click*

Well. That didn't go as planned. Exactly.

Really, why was I expecting it to go as planned? When does anything go as planned? This is not me complaining, by the way. Not complaining. Life is good, actually. Mostly. Sort of.

Life is better. How's that?

The trial was about what I expected it to be. I'm surprised that I was sentenced to a lighter death penalty, though. I honestly hadn't though Caduceus would come forth to defend my character. Now everyone knows that I made the Galatea cure. I didn't really want that. I mean, what if some people refuse the cure because I made it? That would bloody well ruin the point of it, now wouldn't it? At least no one knows I---

Never say in a datalog what you wouldn't want to see on Spoogle News. Yes, Artemis is learning.

Any-way, I was sentenced to death by lethal injection. Which, actually, is appropriately painful because what the chemicals really do to the body is---

Digressing. Turns out, though, that mother's vision was real. But not in the expected way. I was bailed out of jail by idiots in black cloaks all right, but they weren't my idiots. It was Thirteen. He actually figured out a use for brilliant organics like myself. 'Doctor', he says, 'you're under-appreciated. Here, have this lab and make me a super-virus that will kill off 99% of all organics in the galaxy. Oh, and by the way, if you refuse, I'll just rip the knowledge from your head and do it myself. Hang on a bit, why don't I just do that anyway?' That last bit was my fault, admittedly.

I managed to convince him that he simply couldn't glean my inherent knack for virology simply by taking my memories. So he was content to stuff me in his Ysalamiri-filled lab and let me work. I'm fairly certain that there were cameras in there, watching, and I know there were guards outside the door.

Now that's what you would call a bind. There was no chance I was making any damned virus for Thirteen. But I didn't have access to the Force, so I couldn't just pop my mind out into the aether and be done with it. I couldn't make a fake virus, either, or make a virus with a loophole, because he'd know. He'd just rip it from my head. So I was left analyzing everything I had in my lab and trying to devise a very, very fast-acting method of suicide.

A few hours, several loud crashes, and one musical lightsaber impaling my door later, I was rescued by my beloved idiots. Suppose I shouldn't call them that, actually. They were good. They didn't try to rescue me from the prison. They rescued me from Thirteen, and that really was a good thing for everyone in light of the circumstances.

It was a bit...chaotic...after that. We shadow-shifted all over the bloody place, trying to get away from Thirteen in order to save the Turtle (and those inside of it) from Thirteen's giant stormtrooper robot transformer goons (blame Five for that). It was looking pretty bad until Tryce soared in on his x-wing and blasted the circuits out of Ten and Eleven's mecha armor. Eight and Freya managed a cooperative attack on Thirteen once he'd been worn down enough on all sides. That knocked his head and legs off, and he died shortly thereafter.

Sadly, he took the Death Star with him. We made it out in the thirty seconds allotted, but Mina wasn't able to counsel the Death Star out of suicide. Pity. It would have been massively useful for saving the universe from Sith.

So now we're headed to Tatooine because I think we all need a drink after today.

Well, maybe not me. That last/first time involving alcohol didn't go so well for me. Maybe I'll just have some coffee.

In any case, that about sums up the last several days. I'm sure I'm forgetting something important. Or several somethings. But, like I told mother's best friend, these logs don't have to mean anything to anyone else but me.

Oh...hey...is that....no...can't be. My farseeing isn't on.

Wait, yes it is. That's....that's an outline of my datapad.

We has a semi-normal mission for the first time in quite a while! I'm beginning to suspect that Dannel is some kind of good luck charm. Or at the very least an Uneventful Charm. He returned to us from--where else?--a library on Tatooine.

The team split up from there, with Tryce and Kerlos having gone to retrieve Kerlos's ship, and Freya gone off to do some business of her own. So Mina, Dannel, Eight, and myself investigated a series of shadow kidnappings. We traced the kidnappings back to some artwork (who knew photography could be so dangerous?). Seems as though some kind of other-dimensional creature had been captured using a special type of photography, but was able to escape when the photo degraded. We rented some of the same kind of equipment and set up an ambush for the creature. We managed to catch it by the skin of our teeth and we popped the photo into a black hole.

Thankfully, the police are going to reimburse the art dealers for the...uh...damage their cameras suffered.

Also, farseeing can be very, very useful when done right.

Farseeing can be very, very dangerous when done wrong.

Farseeing can also lead to severe mental scarring when done too well over too broad of an area. People are sick.

So, we managed to wake up an ancient Jedi Master from slumber on Vigrith--a Star Dragon no less. I see irony in that, or maybe fate.

Currently we're off trying to save the Dathomir ambassador. A traitor in the republic thought it would be wise to kidnap her to prevent Dathomir from joining the New Republic. And while this is all well and good and a noble cause, I can't help but think that we're wasting time. It's occurred to me that STARS is running away. They don't even realize that they are, but they're running. We have tentacles coming out of Mrkyr, literally weeks before Sith hatches, and no one seems to mind that we haven't even gotten to work on the best plan that we have yet.

We don't have time. We have the illusion of time. Two days to get here, two days there, a day for negotiations here and there...before we know it, our time is going to be up.

STARS doesn't have a good plan, so they're running. After all of the breath they wasted telling me what a coward I was for running, I would have thought them above this.

But no one listens to me. I'm just the crazy doctor.

I still reserve the right to say 'I told you so' when this all goes badly.

All right. So I rescind my previous log. By stumbling about and following their noses, the group actually managed to thwart Sith out of an extremely powerful artifact--an artifact that wound up in our hands instead. Very nice tipping of the balance in our favour, and we need every little ounce we can get.

The Force guides. I had forgotten that, and I was wrong to lose faith in STARS.

I do worry for Tryce, though. He was nearly killed (again), during combat with the Sith who had murdered the Dathomir ambassador. He'd saved my life in the process, a fact for which I can't help but feel guilty. The life web saved his life in turn until I was able to stabilize him after the battle was over. The barabel who had nearly killed him was stunned by Kerlos...and this is where it gets nasty.

Freya became furious over what had happened to Tryce. I don't blame her for that. I like Tryce, too. But I was not about to revert to the Dark Side and draw the barabel's lifeforce into Tryce to heal him--especially not when I could do most of the healing myself without resorting to anything evil. Failing that, once Tryce woke up and was unable to seek revenge himself, Freya began to torture the barabel.

I'm not surprised at Freya. She has a great deal of anger in her. That's just how she is. I don't approve of it, but that's her way and not mine. I had no qualms about sticking a tranq dart into her back to stop her, though.

No, what bothers me is that Tryce seemed to enjoy it. I've seen him angry before: angry at the Jedi Council, angry at me. But even when he was angry, his heart has always been pure. He's stood on the higher moral ground in all of those cases before. But not this time. He doesn't seem to understand why I think it's wrong. I feel I owe it to him to explain that I think it's a waste of his heart to feel hatred. He's better than that. I believe he's better than that.

I had hoped the rest of the team to be better than that, too. No one else tried to stop Freya. I think Eight would have tried, but he'd been taken out cold by the barabel as well.

Was I right to stop Freya? I know in my heart that what she was doing was wrong. So why do I still sense that everyone else thinks I'm a screw-up because of it?

Maybe because I am. I'm already thinking of trying something mind-bogglingly stupid. I mean, take everything stupid I've done (aside from the Defel thing), roll it up into a sandwich, and it would still be dwarfed by the stupid I'm thinking of trying.

I'm thinking of trying to get my memories back.

STUPID. I know. But I can't help but think that maybe it's the right thing to do. Maybe locking away and choosing to forget was the cowards way out. Was I running, rather than being brave and actually resolving my issues? I don't know, but I'm inclined to believe that that's the case. I realize that I haven't had much of a spine in the past. I've only recently started to grow one. So maybe I was just too much of a whiny bitch to confront and control my inner demons.

Question is, should I leave this off until after Sith? That's what I'm not sure about. If I do it before, I might screw myself up. That would compound the stupid and hamper the group. On the other hand, if we're all about to die, I don't want to die as I am now.

I need to decide, and soon.

So that was....interesting. Who knew that I had a badass, no-nonsense, honourable Jedi version of myself inside my head? Or that I had a....er....flirtatious, girly Healer version of myself. I didn't think I could look more effeminate without actually being female. I proved myself wrong.

My head is an interesting place.

No luck getting past the Jedi and into my memories, though. I spent the better part of two days trying. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew was far, far more productive. Eight, in a feat of amazing bravery, farsaw into the future to know just when Sith would break loose. Only Eight would have survived the aftermath of that....his eyes apparently exploded and he ripped his own head off. After Mina repaired him, he told us that we had two weeks left.

Two weeks. Gods almighty. I knew we didn't have much time left, but having a set date on it...it really puts everything into perspective.

If any of us want to do anything with our lives, now is the time to do it.

We found the location that the shard of sith was unearthed at--on the Quaron home world. Turns out that the shard we possess is a fake, and that the person who found it originally was possessed by Sith when he did so. A trap! It also seems to act as a homing beacon should it be combined with the other holocrons, or so Eight determined.

It's good to know, at least, and it answers quite a few of our lingering questions.

Right now we're off on Tryce's mission. He's going to join up with the Wardens. More power to him; I'm delighted that he's found his place in the Force, and I'm glad he's getting a chance to do this before Sith awakens.

As for myself, I'm going back into my own mind to chat with that Healer and find some way past the damn Jedi. God I hate that aspect of myself sometimes.

Let's hear it for Tryce, Warden of the Sky! He has his own badge and everything now. I'm quite happy for him, if also a little worried currently. He went off with Eve to collect a fighter made entirely of Mandalorean steel. He's supposed to meet up with us at Centerpoint Station. I gave him the lifeweb to wear as well as one of my medkits, but really, who am I kidding? As long as that man is inside a starfighter of some sort, he'll be fine.

Freya and Eight went back to Myrkr. They plan to join up with some Mandalores and explore one of the newly opened fissures. You know, one of the ones with tentacles pouring out of it. They've both fashioned some mandalorean suits to shield themselves from the Force while they go spelunking in the Caves of Evil Death, but I'll be the first to admit that I'm extremely worried for them. Freya in particular. I can trust Eight to have common sense, but Freya would walk up to Sith himself and tickle his nose with a feather if she thought she could learn something useful by it.

I really shall miss them both terribly if they die.

As for the rest of us, we're at Centerpoint right now, making slow but measurable progress. People seem to be buying Kerlos's cover stories, and that has allowed all of us to examine Centerpoint in more detail. Well, Mina at least. I have little idea what's going on. My job has been to act as Kerlos's Jedi bodyguard and look dark and menacing.

Good old Jedi version of me. I learned something useful from him after all.

So many things happened since I last recorded. I'm... not sure where to begin.

We...won. Sith is gone. Eight merged with Centerpoint Station and collapsed Myrkr into a black hole. Unfortunately....we also lost Eight. Sith crushed the Station just before he was pulled beyond the event horizon.

I don't think anyone would disagree that he was truly the best of all of us. And while I mourn his passing, I also feel that his was an end truly worthy of him. He will never be forgotten, and I can only hope to live up to even a small measure of his honour, courage, and strength.

As for the rest of us, it looks like STARS will be going our separate ways. We haven't yet. We're still together only because I think not all of us know where we want to go from here. We make a good team, and there is still plenty to do out there. The struggle is never over; there is always more work to be done. I hope the rest of the team remains united, even if we have been officially disbanded (Centerpoint Station...yeah...). I'm not sure what to do with myself. My first road points to Caduceus, but I think I'll take one last attempt at opening the door beforehand.

Here's to us. The galaxy made it after all.

Freya offered, unexpectedly, to help me recover my memories. Or, rather, to act as a second observer who might have insight as to how to go about it. That was....interesting. And even though I was not able to unlock my memories, I learned a few very important things:

• My own worst enemy is myself.
  
• If I cannot trust in my senses to discern what is real and what is just a fear (nonexistent alien goo, anyone?), then I have absolutely no right to be unlocking memories that were causing me to lose sight of reality. I need to learn to anchor myself. I need to lose my hesitancy. I need to grow certain of myself.
  
• I need to let go. Freya told me something about living. She told me that there's no point in life if all I do with my life is mourn it. And she does have a point. I can't really trust myself or be certain of myself if I hate myself so much. I know that nothing I do will ever mend the damage I've caused, but I've made cures for both diseases and my mother has eased the fighting between the Arhan and the Defel. From here, perhaps it's best if I try living.

We have a new crew member. He's been assigned to us by the New Republic because the New Republic doesn't want to pay our receipts. They think we're too destructive. We were up against frelling Sith Himself.

Oh well. The accountant will see for himself soon enough. I just worry about the Captain.

We're off, currently, investigating a planet full of Sith. Er, not Sith inside a planet. We killed that already. No, a planet populated by Sith. Our job is to infiltrate it, and matters have been even more complicated by the fact that Freya believes her master to be on the planet somewhere. Our best plan is to go back to Yavin (which is where we are right now), grab Freya's old ship, go back, have Freya get captured and sneak onto the planet separately. Then blow up a Temple, rescue Freya (or maybe she'll be the one rescuing us), and escape with our lives.

We've done crazier shit before. I'd be most disappointed if we managed to die here.